Sunday, May 17, 2009

Vacuum Genesis

Vacuum Genesis

(electric guitar/reverb, chorus, something bright)

I feel all this hesitation
yet when i look in your eyes i want to fall into you
we shared a few situations
some i still haven't recovered from
i watch for some indication
you still dig me like you did the night before
was i just miscast as your type?

was it all in my mind
the way your touch made my soul flutter?
did i complicate a good time
by wishing the moment could last forever?
don't ask for my opinion
it's hard enough to keep my head above water
'cause when i close my eyes
all i see is your smile (la la la la)

i know the difference
between the lead role and an extra or brief cameo
can i talk to the casting director?
maybe i spent too much time memorizing your lines instead
maybe i was too nervous auditioning with such a beautiful star
i don't want to be in anyone else's play
and i can't change my mind

and did you know that i
i can still feel your lips pressed against my cheek?
i always think when you're close by
how much i wish i was holding your hand
i realize it's just an opinion
but without you i feel like i'm just killing time
'cause i'm holding out hope for tomorrow
being the day i hear from you again (and see your bright smile)

and i never knew that my
my heart could race quite so fast
until that night you laid smiling next to me
and your eyes sparkled like they held the universe and all creation
it's far from a mere opinion
it's a decree to lay at your feet everything that i am and will ever be
'cause all i can think of while i'm lying in bed
is my arms wrapped around you (fingers running through your hair)

la la la la la



(organ or keyboard, electric guitar/delay, phase, reverse reverb, tremolo)
didn't you get my S.O.S.?
didn't you receive my urgent messages?
i've been tryin to hold on
i keep lookin, but i....
i keep hopin, but i....
i don't see no one
where did you go?
what's takin so long?
all i've done is dream of you
of being in your arms
i don't know your name, but i....
i don't know your face, but i....
i know how you feel
and in my sleep i buried my love in your backyard
giving your heart the only map
i know you shine so brightly like a star in the sky
but can't we meet somewhere besides my dreams?
can't my soul know your touch in real life?
and it occurred to me the other day -
that the wind only blows so it can feel that tingle
as it strokes your cheekflowing through your hair
flowers only bloom in the desperate hope
of being gazed upon by your deep eyes
its grand dreams of but for that brief span of time
it had been
to you
and let's be honest with ourselves
if but for a second
why else would a bird even bother to sing
but to wish to have your attention?
for that moment to be the center of your thoughts
hanging on its every sound
forever warming up until that magical day
that you happen by their way and the real
rendition can begin
and it can die happy
and a secret
just between you and me
because i like you so
what other reason for the snooze button to be
but to say 'i don't want to stop holding you yet,
i'm not ready to let go of this feeling
of being so at ease
so connected
so at peace
so complete'
it has to know how perfectly our arms fit around each other
it knows the intense feeling that radiates between you and me
the way every cell celebrates as my foot rubs against yours
the producers and casting agents had come through
they had bothered with character development in the script
all those bad movies
with their obvious and contrived plot lines
with its stalled and stagnant character arcs
they had all been worth being in
so sure the map had been correct so far
knowing no wrong turns could have been made
for it lead me to you
and there couldn't possibly be anywhere else i'd want to be
it may as well have been written in stone
it is infallible
it is the only scientifically accepted answer of 'it just is'

It’s Not That I Hate You, I Just Never Want To Hear From You Again

It’s Not That I Hate You, I Just Never Want To Hear From You Again

(electric guitar/ phase, delay, distortion)

I feel so alone when I’m with you
and I don’t think there’s anything to do
I guess that’s just the way it is
I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your tone, I see right through you
is this really how far we’ve come?
To pretend nothing’s wrong?
To piss our time miserably away?
To become another fucking cliche’?
Be careful what you say
because I promise to hold it all against you

and I wonder
how is it so easy
to make me feel so sad inside
and do it with a smile?
I’d ask you why
but I get the feeling
you wouldn’t tell me the truth, anyway

I’m so alone lying in bed with you
I can’t help feeling played for a fool
I can’t help feeling so empty when I’m in your arms
I’m not interested in assigning blame
just in getting far awayfar away from you and the way you make me feel so inconsequential
I feel so alone when I’m with you
I can't breathe
I can’t wait for the day
I fly far away
far away from you
I’ll dry my eyes in the wind’s breeze

It’s Called Loyalty

It’s Called Loyalty

(electric guitar: verse/clean maybe some chorus chorus/distortion and reverb)

I think that I’ve
said all I can
about the state of this
sinking boat
how many nights have I waited up hoping you’d talk to me
only to be cast aside?

Hold the lie in
pledge your undying love, again
say whatever is required for the part
don’t break character just yet
maybe we could just pretend
you mean it when you say I’m the only one

when you say you love me
why does it feel so insincere?
And when you hold me
why does it feel so cold and empty?
Maybe you could tell me again
how you two are just good friends?

Cut me down and smile
dismiss my emotions like you always do
look me in the eyes and swear your love is true
could you make me any more of a fool?
Why don’t you fuck my brother, too?
Fuck around and tell me it’s all in my head

do you remember when
I’d say I love you and
it actually meant something to you?
Now it feels likeI die every night
and I sit and wonder how I ever believed in you

and my heart should mean more to you than
a piece of trash you throw out your window on the side of the road
tell me again how it’s nobodies fault but mine
I’m sorry to have bothered you
I guess you were unaware I have a soul and feelings, too
or maybe they’re just meaningless in contrast to your huge fucking ego

Traumen (Ich Errate Das Ich War)

Traumen (Ich Errate Das Ich War)

(acoustic guitar)

I thought I had found the one
but I guess I was mistaken
turns out I had it all so completely wrong
here we are now
I know it’s for the best but....
It’s not my fault my heart can’t seem to
forget your name or that every time I walk out and see the sunset I think of you
and what kind of goodbye was that?
I mean, really??
I thought there was more to it all
more weight, more meaning, more significance
but I guess my love is like a cigarette
it can only burn so long
and then you are done
and flicking it out the window
wishing your fingers and breath no longer bore the memory
of what’s now being repeatedly run over and crushed
like my heart
like my dreams
like my world
all of which revolved around you
and I can’t help feeling circumstance is getting a bum rap in all this
and even though it can be a little bitch, maybe happenstance is being set up
maybe there’s really more to it
but in the end would it even really matter?

Monday, February 9, 2009

conflicts of interest

how long must we wait
for this
occupation to end?
how many of our children
how many
dads and wives
must be sacrificed for your bottom line?

i'm not blind
i don't see an end comin
how many lives must be wasted?
your reasons are revolving lies
i don't want to panic
but i
just don't see an end comin
while we sit on our hands
aren't their lives just as important as yours or mine?

her scars are on her pillow
until they
slowly dry
no pictures on the mantle
of grandkids and a wife
just a fading memory and a folded flag

she said
'i don't want to hear that you're sorry,
i don't need to know that you sympathize
your yellow ribbons and flag magnet won't bring back my boy's life
why aren't you screaming?
why do you
just sit there and justify
all this madness
all this
loss of life
all of this devastation
it's just so overwhelming
please, stop pretending
everything is not alright
he didn't matter to the president
but he was my life
still, it feels like all the blame's mind
i can feel it
crushing down on top of me
he'd still be alive
if i could've afforded to send him to state

i lay down but nothing ever comes
feels like i blink and i'm staring at the sun light
another day to die all over again
waking up just to break down
every day has got to be this way

paper weight

you tell me we still have time
but what are we gonna do with it?
is it something more to waste away?
are you gonna furrow your brow and look concerned
then turn and walk away?

ignore the clock
another tanker on the rocks

you tell me we still have time
but what are we gonna do with it?
is it just something more to throw away?
will you shuffle some papers and hold meetings
then shrug and walk away?

ignore the obvious
but at what cost?

so you made it through the doors
but what have you done?
nothing worth mentioning
no, you ain't nothing worth mentioning
just another opportunist
a soul-less fuck
bells should be ringing
but they're not

and time just goes by (what's logic without compassion?)
another species dies (what's logic without compassion?)

and how can you poison everything
and say that's the price you've gotta pay?
how can you sell us out
and just go about your day?
and how the fuck can you
sleep at night?
just another opportunist (you betrayed us all)
a soul-less fuck (you know you betrayed us all)